Couple Tried Conceiving For 7 Years Without Success, One Event Changed It All
September 23, 2015 #sfgfamily
By CollectivePress
Brittney and Chad Hartley knew they wanted a big family when they got married. However, like many other couples find out, nature had other plans. They tried to conceive for 7 years without success. Brittney reflected “you never think as a woman that infertility will be your battle until it happens to you. There were times it was too difficult to be around pregnant women or go to baby showers because you would wonder why it couldn’t be you. There were times I would yearn to hold a child of my own when other woman would be complaining about the troubles of motherhood.” It turns out Brittney and Chad are not alone in their experience. One in eight couples, or 12% of married women in the US, have difficulty getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy.

After three years of disappointing pregnancy tests, Brittney and Chad decided to seek fertility treatments. Brittney is a teacher and Chad owns his own business in Boise repairing Apple products. The two working full-time could barely afford the expensive fertility treatments, which ended up costing $75,000. “We both worked multiple jobs in order to afford to have a family. We lived somewhat simply for making good money between the two of us, sometimes even going into debt and working to pay off credit cards. But we know that when it came to children and the joys of being in a family, there was nothing we would not do to begin that journey. We knew we would regret it in our old age if we didn’t give it our best shot.”

The first two rounds of in-vitro disappointingly did not end up working. However, as some say, the third time's the charm, and with this third round, Brittney became pregnant. 9 months later, after a risky and rocky pregnancy, Ryker was born. “Ryker absolutely changed our lives. We knew from being in our own families that our fondest memories came from spending time with family, but neither of us could have predicted the way your heart grows and your life changes when you have a child. It solidified our belief that life truly is about family.”

While elated to have Ryker in their lives, Chad and Brittney knew they had more love in their hearts for another child and believed that Ryker would make an amazing big brother. Brittney and Chad decided that this time, adoption would be the right option for them. As Brittney explained, “After the physical toll, financial strain, and years of trying, I considered it selfish to continue to fight for my own biological child. The goal and ideal of a family does not mean only your blood relatives. Families are built on unconditional love. And it was my hope that there was a birth mother out there who would be willing to share the opportunity of raising a child with me. I would feel selfish spending all of our resources for years on end just so I could have a child that looked like my husband or me. Families are much deeper and more beautiful than genetics.”

Brittney and Chad are planning to do an open adoption, which means they would have ongoing contact with the child’s birthmother, either in the form of letters, emails, photos, calls or in person visits, depending on what the birthmother preferred. While adoptions of the past were mostly closed, meaning the birthmother and child had no contact after birth, more adoptions today are open. Open adoptions have been shown to be healthier for the child and birthparent. With more education, adoptive parents are more open to inviting the birth parents to be part of their extended family.

“As a mother, I feel much more comfortable with an open adoption. I would hate for a birth mother to wonder, grieve, regret, and yearn for the child that they will never know. I absolutely believe that if a healthy relationship can be established by all, it is better for the birth mother, the adoptive family, and the child to come together in mutual love and understanding.”

Part of the reason Brittney and Chad want an open adoption is because they have seen it work before with friends and family. “The friends and family I know that have included the birth mom as part of the family seem to have grown family bonds in such a healthy way. The child feels loved instead of having to wonder why they were placed in adoption. The birth mother becomes part of the family instead of being met with closed doors. And the adoptive family expands the boundaries of family in a way that is healthy and happy. I hope that with the right birth mom, two families could become one through an open adoption.”

Brittney and Chad are partway through their adoption journey. After going through the process of getting approved to adopt, they are now waiting for a birth mother who is looking to place her child for adoption to choose their family. They created a Binti parent profile to promote their adoption profile and get the word out about their story and what kind of parents they are. Binti lets adoptive parents create online profiles and also pairs them with birthmother mentors who have previously placed for adoption to give them advice on the process. Through her birthmother mentor, Brittney gained some new insights into the birthmother’s perspective on adoption, “She really emphasized the importance of keeping your promises with the birth mother. It was super helpful to see things through her eyes.”

Brittney, Chad and Ryker are now waiting for an expectant mother looking to place her child for adoption to reach out to them. If you are an expectant mother and would like to reach out to Brittney, Chad, and Ryker, please use the contact form below:

Send Brittney and Chad a note!

Wish Brittney, Chad and Ryker luck on their adoption journey!

If you would like to learn more about Binti, please visit their website.

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